I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
