he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
