so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
