I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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