whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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