I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
