apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
