I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
