Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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