So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
