I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Boobs speak an international language.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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