We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
