Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
