Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
