Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I could fuck to npr.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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