The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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