is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
