You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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