i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
