im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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