dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
