If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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