Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
