His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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