Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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