Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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