Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
