Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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