I wanna bring you to show and tell
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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