I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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