So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
