I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
