I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
