I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
