anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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