Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
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