Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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