My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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