Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
