Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I need to align my fucking chakras
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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