She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
