Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
The ass gains better be worth it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
