"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
