i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
