$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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