I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
