One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
