my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
