one might say we're banned from that church
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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