Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Pappa wants mamma naked
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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