his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
