Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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